Top London PR agency, Just In Time PR, is recruiting.

We're looking for a 'Senior Account Manager', whatever the hell that is.

So if you'd like to work for a company run by a fat bloke with a drink problem and a moral compass that only ever points south, you can apply here today.

Well, not all of you.

If you have principles and take offence easily, then this role categorically won't be for you.

Guardian readers, teetotallers and anyone who believes in the afterlife almost certainly won't fit in.

Not that we'd give them the time of day anyway.

OK, so here we go. Your chances of landing the job will rise with each box below that you tick.

So, the list above should give you an idea of what we're looking for. If it doesn't, I'm not quite sure where this is going.

Maybe try the third sector.

Oh, and if you still feel you're suited to this role, then for Christ's sake don't send an email or call me. Just rock up, barge past security and grab a desk.

There's plenty of them because we're losing staff at a rate of knots.




*I didn't say this, President Lyndon B. Johnson did, about future President Gerald Ford.