Below is a press release we issued to the media yesterday.

I'm not joking, either.

I think the line in the quote about the 'drive' is quite funny.

But then I would, because I made it up.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Wank Sock: The Perfect Stocking Filler (Literally) For Wankers

London, 25 November 2013: Stuck for ideas for the boss's Secret Santa gift at the forthcoming Christmas Party? Racking your brains for hilarious stocking fillers for your husband, boyfriend or father-in-law?

Simply treat them to an
, the perfect gift for any man who likes to feed the ducks. Which, let’s not kid ourselves, is every man on the planet.

The beautifully packaged Wank Sock is unique in that it reduces friction and makes for a mess-free Tommy Tank. It washes like any other old sock, too. Mainly because it is any other old sock. Just stick it in at 40 degrees (so to speak) and you’re ready to go again.

Mark Rofe, the brains behind Wank Sock, said about his creation:

"Men 'come' in all kinds of different shapes, sizes, colours and religions. But they all have one thing in common. When the other half nips to the shops, they'll be online and operating their joysticks before the car’s off the drive. It's why I launched the Wank Sock. There's probably 20 million British men out there and I saw a gap in the market: the one product that no man can do without. I'll probably be a millionaire by the 12th day of Christmas and have a year to think up my next brilliant product. So buy my special socks today."

To buy a pair of Wank Socks, use mind power or visit the website. They're £7.99, which is peanuts, really, when you think about it. Which you probably won't.

ENDS

Notes To Editors

Warning: While there is no evidence to suggest that using the Wank Sock can cause excessive muscle build up, we do suggest that the wanker alternates its use between hands.

For more information, or to arrange a demonstration, please contact Alex Causton-Ronaldson of Just In Time PR on 020 7851 4757.